1 February 2010
Mediterranean Shipping Co (Singapore)
c/o jobreplies-OPS@msc-asia.com
Shipping Officer
Dear Sir / Mdm,
I write in response to your advertisement in the Straits Times of Singapore dated Sunday, 31 Jan 2010 for the above position. A copy of my detailed resume is attached for your information.
I am currently a final year student pursuing a Bachelor of Science with a major in Statistics from the National University of Singapore. I will be graduating in July and will be able to start work anytime in July. During the course, I took several mathematics and project based modules which help me improve my analytical and interpersonal skills.
During my high school days, I served as the captain of the canoeing team. My leadership skills were put to a test and I learned about the importance of teamwork. My high school teacher testified that I am a meticulous and careful student with an aptitude for analytical thinking.
During my term break, I work part-time at SingTel as a customer service officer (CSO). As a CSO, I had first-hand experience of how to handle all kinds of different customers and to communicate with them effectively.
I am proficient in MS Office applications and am effectively Bi-lingual in English and Chinese. I am a quick learner and a strong team player.
I would be grateful for an opportunity to discuss the details of my application at any time convenient to you.
Thank you for your kind attention.
Yours faithfully,
Andy Law
Hp: 9000 1234
Email: andylaw@live.com.sg
Hi Andy aka xoxo student A,
ReplyDeleteRelating your past job experiences in accordance to the job responsibilities is a good way of attracting employers in reading your resume. By giving them an idea of what you have learnt and done in your previous role as a SingTel customer service officer, it might generate their interest in calling you up for an interview.
Illustrating your leadership abilities as well as the good comments you have received from your high school teacher certainly highlights some of the qualities you have to the employer. Perhaps you can include the teacher’s referral letter to further support your claim. I think it will also be good if you can elaborate more on other necessary traits that are required for this job in greater details. (Such as the ability to work under pressure to meet deadlines.)
Lastly, since one of the pre-requisite for this job is “must be prepared to learn new system applications”, it doesn’t really fit the criteria by identifying yourself as a quick learner. Maybe you can write “Besides being a quick learner, I am also willing to learn as well as put in my utmost effort for the job.”
Overall, it is a good application letter. =)
Cheers,
Weixi
Hi Andy,
ReplyDeleteThis is certainly a concise letter you have here, filling up a page very nicely!
I have a few suggestions which you may like to consider:
1. It will be good to indicate the position applied for in the letter proper - don't just say 'above position' since two positions are advertised. There can be no ambiguity if position applied for is clearly stated.
2. I like your paragraphs, short and sweet. However, the content is not very coherent - a number of sentences seem to be independent of each other. You may like to consider the use of transitional words to improve the connections between ideas.
3. You may like to re-look the sequencing of content. What's really important in securing you that interview? For instance, I am not sure if sharing your availability is a good idea in the 2nd paragraph.
4. You have highlighted your strengths, which is good. It will be even better if you take a look at how you can portray yourself in a more positive manner. For instance "...which help me improve my analytical...", "My leadership skills were put to a test" – ‘improve’? ‘put to the test’?
5. I can see that you have showcased your abilities with appropriate examples - good job. You can improve by sharing specifically what you did by giving explicit details. Don't say "I learned about the importance of teamwork...", say exactly what you have done.
6. Be good to integrate your contact details in the concluding paragraph.
7. Indicate the documents you are attaching to the application at the end of the letter. Not necessary to talk abt that in the opening paragraph.
Ms. Lim
Thanks for the feedback. I will defiantly take note of these points and ensure that future application letters I write will be much better. Thanks!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Student A